Every January, the world seems to collectively decide it’s time to reinvent ourselves. Gym memberships spike, planners fly off the shelves, and we all start writing lists of things we’ll definitely, definitely do this year. And then… life happens. By February, most of those resolutions are quietly abandoned, and we’re left with a vague sense of guilt.
But here’s the thing: January is a terrible time for most of us to start fresh. It’s cold, dark, and we’re still recovering from the holidays. September, on the other hand? September has that back‑to‑school energy. The air is crisp, routines are re‑establishing themselves, and there’s a subtle hum of possibility. It’s the perfect time to pause, reflect, and set intentions for the months ahead.
As a therapist who specialises in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), I want to share how you can use this “September reset” to set goals that actually stick — not because you’re forcing yourself into them, but because they’re deeply connected to what matters most to you.
Values vs. Goals: Why the Difference Matters
One of the first things I teach clients is that values and goals are not the same thing.
- Values are ongoing directions — like a compass. They’re about how you want to live your life, the qualities you want to embody, and the things that give your life meaning. Examples: compassion, creativity, connection, growth.
- Goals are specific, measurable milestones you can achieve or complete. Examples: run a 5K, write a book, call your sister once a week.
You can achieve a goal and tick it off your list. You can’t “achieve” a value — you live it, moment by moment, for as long as it matters to you.
Here’s why this matters: if your goals aren’t tied to your values, they often feel hollow or unsustainable. But when your goals are expressions of your values, they become more meaningful — and you’re far more likely to stick with them, even when it’s hard.
Step One: Tap Into Your Values
Before you set a single goal, you need to know what you’re aiming for in the bigger picture. That means clarifying your values.
One of my favourite ways to do this is through a short guided meditation I sometimes use. I call it the 80th Birthday Reflection:
Close your eyes and imagine it’s your 80th birthday. You’re surrounded by people who know and love you. One by one, they stand up to give a toast. What do you hope they say about you? What kind of person were you? What did you stand for? How did you treat people? What did you contribute to the world?
The answers that come up are clues to your values. Maybe you hear words like “kind,” “adventurous,” “loyal,” “creative,” “wise.” Write them down. Circle the ones that feel most important right now.
Step Two: Set SMART Goals
Once you’ve clarified your values, it’s time to set goals that reflect them. I recommend using the SMART framework:
- Specific — What exactly do you want to do?
- Measurable — How will you know you’ve done it?
- Achievable — Is it realistic for you right now?
- Relevant — Does it connect to your values?
- Time‑bound — When will you do it by?
Example: If your value is connection, a SMART goal might be:
“Call my sister every Sunday evening for the next three months to strengthen our relationship.”
Notice how it’s clear, doable, and directly tied to a value.
Step Three: Plan for the Hard Parts
Here’s where ACT takes a different approach from a lot of goal‑setting advice: we don’t pretend it’s going to be easy. We plan for the discomfort.
Every meaningful goal comes with challenges. You might feel bored, anxious, tired, self‑doubtful, or just plain unmotivated. That’s normal. That’s human.
Instead of waiting for those feelings to derail you, name them ahead of time. Then use this phrase:
“I am willing to tolerate (insert discomfort) so that I can (insert goal) because I value (insert value).”
Examples:
- “I am willing to tolerate awkward silences so that I can have deeper conversations with my sister because I value connection.”
- “I am willing to tolerate early mornings and sore muscles so that I can train for a 5K because I value health and perseverance.”
This phrase is powerful because it reframes discomfort as part of the process — not a sign you’re failing.
Step Four: Stay Present With Mindfulness
ACT is big on mindfulness — not as a trendy buzzword, but as a practical skill for staying connected to your values in the moment.
When you’re working toward a goal, it’s easy to get caught up in future outcomes (“I’ll be happy when…”) or past failures (“I’ve never stuck with this before”). Mindfulness helps you notice those thoughts without getting hooked by them, so you can keep moving in the direction that matters.
A simple practice: once a day, pause and ask yourself,
“What matters to me right now, and what’s one small step I can take toward it?”
Step Five: Make September Your New Year
You don’t need a perfect plan. You just need a direction. Start with your values. Set SMART goals that reflect them. Expect discomfort — and make space for it. Use the ACT phrase to stay grounded. Keep checking in with yourself.
And remember: you’re not broken. You’re growing. Growth is rarely comfortable, but it’s always worth it.
So go ahead — make September your new year. I’ll be cheering you on from the therapy room.